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Saturday, January 9, 2016

Why it's okay to be selfish and single in college

Let me just preface this by saying that I have absolutely nothing wrong with people getting married and having kids young. If it's something 2 people truly want and they're happy then who should stop them? Better yet, who will actually be able to stop them? Do what you want and what makes you happy and if that's marriage and babies- I wish you nothing but the best. Personally, that's just something that's always terrified me and going to college just polarized those feelings. 

My last 2 months of being a "teenager" have finally arrived and I've noticed that the amount of Facebook engagements/marriages/pregnancy announcements are increasing exponentially. Seriously, I can't get on anymore without seeing someone I barely knew/used to know/never knew announcing some very-serious-adult-grown up thing.. to which I see a ton of "awwww" and "congrats" and "proud of you" comments and serial likes. 

But for the girl that looks at these posts and gets a gut wrenching 'whoa that's way too adult for me' feeling in the pit of your stomach.. you're not alone. I turn 20 in less than 2 months, and the thought of adult things coming soon is way way WAY off my radar. 

Ok first off, I can barely take care of myself.. if I added someone else into that equation I can see that doing nothing but bad things for me and the other person. My proudest meal? Box Kraft mac & cheese.. and if I'm lucky I actually have butter in the fridge. My room is a constant tornado of clothing, textbooks, shopping bags, and just general clutter. My idea of cleaning is shoving my life contents under my bed and into my closet. My first thought when I wake up is '5 more minutes' not 'let me be a responsible person and be on time and not run out of the door and do my makeup in the car.' 

It's definitely okay to be terrified by the idea of 'forever commitment' by marriage and kids. It's even scarier when just about everyone else seems to be doing it. Most of the time I'm just like "Wow I'm so far off from that.."... but why??

A part of me wishes I was the girl that wanted to get married young, be at my prime at my wedding, be a hot young mom walking my kids into school, & be around for a majority of their lives and achievements.. I've just never been that girl. I've never been the girl with boyfriends, I've always been the girl without. I've never seen the point in serious relationships in college. 

But, here's why I've convinced myself single and selfish is the way to be :)
  1. I want to be taken seriously. Every girl has experienced doubts by someone at some point JUST for the sole fact that we're girls. It's so freaking stupid and repulsive, but it happens. Yup, it's 2016 and it happens. I want to make a name for myself, by myself without the help of absolutely anyone at all. Boy, girl, friend I don't care. I want to do it by myself and for myself so that I can say that I did it.. alone. Success is hard to share.
  2. I have no life skills.. I'm still trying to figure out how the heck to just keep myself healthy/breathing. I actually cannot fathom including someone else into that mix. And literally what guy would be impressed with my tide pods and boxed mac & cheese.. *cry laughs*
  3. Relationships these days aren't relationships. No you're not dating you're "talking." Most of the time in college relationships aren't even official they're just in that awkward confusing "unofficially official" stage where you hang out all the time and you're basically dating, but you're not. And why the heck would I subject myself to all the complications and annoying parts about a relationship without actual commitment?!! Idk, ask your generation folks!!
  4. Better yet, most of them are out of boredom. WE ARE ALMOST ADULTS. Believe it or not, if you don't see him actually being your husband or a real candidate.. dump him. It's an actual waste of your time. Your decisions actually matter now *deep breathes*
  5. Because there's something satisfying about being sassy when you get asked if you have a boyfriend. Whether "I'm in a relationship with myself" is your go-to or you just pretend you don't hear the question- I feel ya girl.
  6. I'll be the first to say- career first. I SO respect girls that want to be mom's.. seriously that's one of the hardest and most rewarding jobs & YGG. That's just not me. I'm not sure if it's because I'm annoyingly independent, abrasive, and all around driven to the point of utter self destruction.. but I've always said I'd get my career on track first. 
  7. Everything else college has to offer. Whether it's spontaneously flying out to the national championship game (go tigers) or going abroad to Italy, I want to do it. I want it to be checked off my bucket list- remembered, savored, & enjoyed. I don't want the distraction of a boyfriend and I refuse to be persuaded to not go/stay longer/do anything I don't want to do because of the influence of a subpar relationship.
  8. Learning to be by myself. It's hard as hell to be away from home and have to be your own best friend, biggest fan, & mom all in one. In college you sink or swim and you 100% are tested to your limits. Not only do I not want to have a complete and utter meltdown in the company of another human, but seriously, loving yourself is so important.
  9. Realize your flaws in the eyes of other people. Whether it's my past relationships holding me back or my drive to make something of myself before I graduate, to some people these things will be seen as flaws. There's something to be said about that sucky college phase of self realization and I doubt I would have had it or at least have actually paid attention to it if my life was consumed with the compliments/reassurance of someone else.
  10. Doing things you swear you would never do. Running a business, starting a blog, liking college football.. the things I experienced because I was single and selfish are seriously some of my most defining moments and experiences. 
  11. My friends are seriously some boss ladies. I'm probably the least impressive because my closest friends are all doing some super science-y majors and I'm over here just like whadddddup business! :-) The people that I surround myself with are also extremely career driven and independent and that significantly contributes to my feelings regarding relationships in college.
  12. FOMO?? The fear of missing out has never been more applicable then when you're the locked down girl leaving 30 minutes early to hangout with your new bf. 
  13. Realizing dogs >boys. On a less serious note, I am convinced my dog is the placeholder for my soulmate. 
Truth is, thinking back to all of my past relationships I can vividly remember the "but don't do that I don't want you to" conversations. 

Don't go to Clemson.
Don't run a business.
Don't study abroad.
Don't work during summer.
Don't take that internship.
Don't start a blog.
Don't go to the game.
Don't leave early.
Don't go to formal.
Don't go out tonight. 

I honestly was probably scared off from boyfriends in college/commitment because of my subpar track record of the boy variety, but I wouldn't change it for anything. I've learned that another person can either mean everything or just take everything from your life. The problem is, in college everyone wants to be selfish like I was saying.. so you're constantly surrounded by takers. This isn't a bad thing. Everyone is just struggling to stay afloat. But, romantically it's a huge issue and something that I refuse to define my life with.

First of all, if you tell me to do something I'll just want to do the opposite. And second, it's my life. I'm allowed to be selfish because it is MY life. 

I can't wait for the day that I'm married and have babies along with the cutest dog and brick house. But until then, until I'm 150% ready, I'm content with sitting back and watching everyone else get hitched via Facebook. 

Because there's nothing wrong with being the single selfish girl in college & that's that.

"Single is an opportunity to live life on your own terms and not apologize"



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